How do you deal with a childs relationship?

Different Examples:

If your son, girl friend cheated on him with his friend will you still be nice to her?

will she still be able to come over sometimes.

Best Answer – Chosen by Voters

Yes! be nice to her, it’s your sons relationship not yours,he has to make mistakes and figure out if he wants to be with her;furthermore,you are judging her for the mistake she made,we have all made mistakes in life that we regretted.

If a GF runs  your son down to you every time she talks to you and you had promised your son  not to come between them! How can you handle it?

I don’t want to come off as a horrible person. I’ve been a straight arrow my whole life,

The only thing I can suggest is you tell him. I dated someone for 2 years my family hated and they never said a word. I wasn’t truly happy but convinced myself I was and if they had been truthful with me, even if I would have initally been defensive I may have been saved a lot of pain! If you are concerned he won’t hear you out or that you’ll say something you don’t mean, write him a letter. Pen to paper and give it to him.

And if after that he still doesn’t listen trust him. Know that you raised a great man and that he’ll ultimately do what’s right! Whatever you don’t be honest and loving and you’ll be a person he can respect and love!

It may seem strange but here is my advice: Be her best friend. Shower her with love and attention (but not money). Talk to her. Remember what she likes and dislikes, her birthday…
Possible outcomes:
1) your son, as someone suggested, dates her to test you or as a late teen rebellion: he will break up because you are friends.
2) if your son doesn’t feel any bad feelings anymore will not feel the need to overprotect her, be less defensive and may see her as she is, and break up
3) you may discover why he loves her and begin to really appreciate her and understand why she behaves the way she does.

It’s also good to talk to your son (not being judgmental, but open, positive, caring) about what he likes in her, why he loves her, the (hidden) qualities she has…

But, as the other posts say, lying or being unethical will sure backfire.

3 moms found this helpful

Here are 2 suggestions:

(1) Don’t say anything. Criticism will only drive your son further into her arms. Seriously. People cling tighter to partners their parents criticize.

(2) Be nice to her. Once your son feels that his girlfriend is accepted, he’ll be more likely to think for himself and end the relationship.

Cheers!

2 moms found this helpful

If your son is an adult it really isn’t any of your business who he dates. Therefore it isn’t your job to break them up. If she really is as terrible as you say she is maybe he eventually see it for himself and dump her.

2 moms found this helpful

Honestly, I don’t think there are really any options available to you that wouldn’t end up in a major backfire. So I would just back off, if I were you. Talk to him (as one adult to another) if you wish, sharing your concerns WITHOUT sounding petty   Because if you force your son to pick between his girlfriend and his mother, you might not be happy with his decision.

I understand that you want to protect him as his mother, but he is an adult! Let him make his own mistakes and figure things out on his own. My brother, sister, and I have all gone through boy/girl friends our parents didn’t like, but it HELPED that they RESPECTED us enough to let us make our own decisions.

at what cost to your relationship to your son. Also, what about asking questions: watch your tone when you ask too, ask with interest like you really do want to know and care:
What do you like most about her?
What does she do that makes you feel special?
What do you feel you are getting out of the relationship?
Is this a person you feel you could spend your life with? If so why?
What do you enjoy doing together? What do you have in common?
Some things we do to our kids is point out the direction the person is going and ask if this is what they want for their future. Do you want to be able to do this? Do you think you will be able to have the same lifestyle you are used to with this person? If not, are you willing/happy to accept that change? We also say we like so and so, because we do, but we want to know if you are able to handle the differences in beliefs/attitudes/morals/behaviors or whatever it is that they differ in. Your situation is different in that your son is already old enough to make his own decisions. The best thing you can do is also the hardest thing have faith that he will eventually see the situation for what it is and that he is smart enough to make the right choice for his life, and accept his decisions.
Often, as parents I realize the biggest mistake I make is not trusting my kids enough as they are sorting through things. They are still learning and maturing daily and with that comes better decision making. I can’t believe how much a year makes a difference in how much better their decisions become.

Take care and please don’t do anything you’ll regret. Life is too short to worry about other people’s problems, that is what has caused so many heartaches in my life, worrying about what others are doing and /or what I think they should be doing, Who am I to say and judge. I have enough of my own things/issues I can worry about. I know taking things one day at a time is really helping me.

I will be praying for you, I am sorry you are going through this. It is hard to watch our kids make what we feel our bad decisions, but if we let them fall they will most likely learn a good lesson from the situations. The hard part is letting go enough to let them make their own mistakes.
Take care and God Bless,

You may not want to hear this but the part of your sons life where you get to make his decisions ended a long time ago. He is an adult and he gets to choose whom he wants to share his life with. The only thing you can and should do is support your son. You say he’s smart so trust that he’s made the right decisions for him. He may end up marrying this girl someday, if you can’t find peace with her and his decision making as an adult it will really drive a wedge in your relationship. As an adult he needs less of a mother figure and more of a supportive friend.

1 mom found this helpful

Your son is a young adult that needs to make his own decisions and needs to make his own mistakes and learn from his lessons. This may or may not be the right person for him but that is not your decision to make. Maybe your son finds her to be his equal emotionally. Be the parent and the bigger person. Surrender! You have no control over this matter except to be as loving as possible.

1 mom found this helpful

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